Joy & Fear - Our Visa Situation

On September 6th, I was sitting on my bed when I received a call from Pabs.

“I GOT MY VISA!” he exclaimed from the other side of the phone.

I felt my heart stop. I was overcome with two feelings.

The first was joy. I congratulated him and laughed with relief. “YES!! I knew you’d get it!” (or more like “veiiii te dije que te la iban a dar, VAMOOOO” in chilean haha)

But the second feeling came straight from my gut: I instantly felt fear. I had a feeling my news wouldn’t be as positive as his.

We had applied for our visas a month earlier, on August 5th, during our last week in Tully. But let’s go back a bit…

I spent all of July travelling around Australia with my family, and had returned to Tully on Sunday July 30th with Pabs. I had decided to finish my farm work (only needed two more weeks in the same farm and i’d be done). On Monday the 31st, our boss from the farm told Pabs he wouldn’t be needing me, which meant i’d have to start looking elsewhere. I wasn’t necessarily enthusiastic about starting work at another farm, but was willing to start searching the next day.

But when Pabs arrived home from the farm on that Monday, his boss from his job in Sydney called him and told him he needed him back in his team as soon as possible.

So we had two choices: play it safe and stay in Tully for another month of farm work (I had done 3 months and Pabs had done 4 and he was so over it haha) or take the risk and go back to Glorious Sydney and “begin” our lives again.

Not too fond of playing it safe and not too keen on another month of farm work, we decided to say our goodbyes to Tully and head back to our home away from home. We applied for our visas and flew back to Sydney.

In less than a week we were settled with jobs and a place, ready for this new beginning. But though we tried to make ourselves at home in our lil studio apartment, we couldn’t really get over the feeling of impending doom about our visa situation. The uncertainty was killing us.

So.. back to the day of the big news.

I was incredibly happy for Pabs, immediately called my mom to tell her and began to dream about a future where we both get our visas and get to make a life in Sydney (for another year at least). But after hanging up, the voice in my head started saying “you’re not gonna get the visa… you know this right?”. So I decided to walk to a yoga class and get my mind off it.

I stopped at a park and lay in the sun listening to uplifting podcasts. As soon as I stood up to go to yoga, I heard the email notification. My stomach dropped. I unlocked my phone and saw “Refusal Notification”. I immediately dropped back to the floor. I called Pabs and told him; we were both speechless for a while. Tears were falling from my face and I didn’t know what to say or what to think. For months we had planned all possible outcomes, but nothing could have prepared me for this moment. I thought of blowing yoga off and staying at that park feeling sorry for myself and crying it out. Instead, I hung up and headed to yoga.

When I arrived, the yoga teachers at the studio told me my 30 day trial had expired yesterday (just my fucking luck) and i’d have to pay a fee to go to this class. I started unvoluntarily tearing up and told them not to worry, I would just go home. They instantly became concerned and asked me what was wrong, and as I started telling them about my shit day, I began ugly crying (when the tears start, I can’t really stop.. haha). I usually don’t go around telling strangers my problems, but considering this had only happened 10 minutes ago and these were the first humans I talked to, I was feeling very vulnerable. They told me to stay, to forget the fee, and they kept repeating “stay, you need this”.

I am so glad I stayed.

I cried my ass off during that yoga class (no shame). And though it was great to sweat it out and push my body in a sweaty Vinyasa class, what will stick with me forever was the generosity of those two strangers and the perspective they made me gain. I was able to take a step back from my negative, wallowing thoughts and think about all the positive sides to my situation. The yoga teacher kept saying these lil nuggets of wisdom that I felt were directed specifically at me.

I left the class feeling refreshed and ready to deal with this situation. I walked home feeling calm, and arrived to see Pabs holding two glasses of wine. He had left work early to come see me. I could have literally died of love at that moment.

So I declared:

“Pablo, you’re staying in Australia, and you’re gonna make this work for the both of us, ok!?”

A year ago we chose to leave our lives of comfort & safety and to search a life of adventure. With these adventures, comes a great deal of uncertainty. We’ve made plans that change by the hour, and have imagined our lives 5, 10, 20 years ahead.

But truth is, we have no control. We’re just going with the flow.We’re embracing this life of adventure, even if that means being uncomfortable, uncertain and sometimes, separate from each other.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

I’ll be leaving Australia next month to head back home for a few months. I get to see my family, my best friend, my people and my city again. I get to start planning my wedding. I get to continue figuring out what i’m doing with my life (cuz fuuuck Australia has only confused me on that front haha)

Pabs gets to stay in Sydney. He gets to work his ass off in a job he loves. He gets to wake up every morning and go for a run in his favorite park. He gets to learn to survive on his own in the other side of the world.

In our 6 years together, we’ve never been apart for more than a month at a time. Now we’ll be away from each other for 5 months. And though we know it won’t be easy, we know we’ll come out stronger on the other side ♥️