Applying the 5 Love Languages to Self-Love
Do you know what the Five Love Languages are? This concept comes from the book “The 5 Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman. In it, he shares his insights and experiences with this concept. I loved this book and highly recommend it (or at least reading a summary of it!).
The 5 Love Languages are:
→ Words of Affirmation (“you look beautiful in that dress” or “thanks for doing the dishes” or “i love you”)
→ Quality Time (giving someone your undivided attention - looking & talking with each other)
→ Receiving Gifts (pretty obvious, but a gift is something you can hold in your hand & say “aww look, they were thinking of me” - it’s a symbol of thought)
→ Acts of Service (doing things for other people, such as cooking meal, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, etc.)
→ Physical Touch (also super obvious but anything from holding hands, cuddling, hugging, kissing, having sex… all of these are a way to show love through touch)
The truth is, we all speak different love languages. Most of us have a Primary Love Language, one that we speak & understand. And sometimes, we learn and become fluent in a second love language, but chances are we’ll never be as comfortable with it as we are with our Primary Love Language.
It’s not very common for people to have the same love language as their partner, which can cause lots of strife and tension, if it goes unaddressed.
Which it’s why it’s super important to be clear on what YOUR Primary Love Language is, and what your partner’s is too. And if you don’t have a partner, this same information can be applied to other relationships: with parents, children, friends, YOURSELF!!!
As a Self-Love Coach, I’m all about nurturing our relationships with ourselves ♥︎ which is why I wanted to share some ideas of ways to Apply the 5 Love Languages to your Relationship with Yourself, with Pandemic-friendly tips (and things you can keep applying once this pandemic is over, SOMEDAY!)
First things first: SELF-REFLECTION.
→ Do you know what YOUR Primary Love Language is? If you don’t - I’d suggest reflecting and journaling about what your love language is first. (There are plenty of quizzes you can take online to find out what your Love Language is!). So start with identifying what your Primary Love Language is, and what other Love Languages you’re fluent in.
→ Already know your Love Language? COOL! Here are some ideas for you to connect with yourself via your love language :)
Quality Time
Spending time with yourself! Write a list of all the activities you’d like to spend some time on. This can be something as simple as 5 minutes of daily meditation, a 10 minute yoga practice, or to put on a song you love and dancing and singing to it, letting loose (you know I love a good dance party for one!). These are all activities I have on my list - but the clearer you are about what it means to give yourself quality time, the better! If you’re coming up blank on ideas for self-care/quality time, you can download my free ebook: The Ultimate Self-Care Guide :)
2. Gifts
Online shopping is easier than ever these days. But in order to not take it to an extreme, keep a running list of things you want to buy for yourself. Instead of mindlessly adding items to a cart & impulse buying them, I suggest sitting with the list for at least a few days. If after a few days you’re still thinking about an item on this list, then by all means, buy it for yourself! For me it really helps to have this list and to mindfully say “ok yes i really want/need this” or “actually no this isn’t a priority right now”.
3. Acts of Service
Write down a list of 5 things you’d like to do for yourself, and slowly start checking it off. It can be something like cleaning out the pantry, cooking yourself a yummy meal (or meal prepping for the week ahead - your future self will thank you for it!), or finally doing that DIY project you’ve had in mind for months. Ask yourself: “what can I do to be of service to myself right now?”, “what tasks have I been putting off?” more often than not, these tasks start weighing heavier on us than they need to! By slowly checking these tasks off, we are giving ourself the ultimate gift if our love language is acts of service.
4. Physical Touch
This is obviously a lot easier if you have a partner, but if you’ve got no partner, no problem. There are many ways to approach physical touch and pleasure. Giving yourself a massage in the shower, or post shower with some creams or oils. Approaching this with curiosity, and discovering what kind of touch you like on yourself, then giving yourself that touch. Also, if your local spa is open and COVID friendly, you can invest in a spa-day or a massage! If you’re not comfortable with that, you can always do a self-pampering routine at home (there are plenty of DIY face and hair masks you can try). I also find that yoga and stretching can be a way of showing love for yourself if your love language is physical touch :) Lastly, I can’t finish off this list without mentioning self-pleasure. This isn’t a topic I touch on too often but I invested in a good vibrator some years ago and ohhh am I glad I did :))
5. Words of Affirmation
Using affirmations is a great way to promote self-confidence and self-worth! I have a few post-it notes in my office space with affirmations, and I look at them everyday. What started out as things I wanted to someday believe for myself, have started to become true inner beliefs! It also helps to say affirmations out loud, in order to truly start believing them. Bonus points if you do it in front of the mirror :) The most powerful affirmations are the ones that start with “I am”.
I have found that knowing and practicing my love language on myself and with others is SO IMPORTANT. I’m big on self-knowledge - and this is the kind of knowledge that always comes in handy. Knowing what love language we like giving AND receiving (they’re not always the same one!) is an essential part of knowing yourself.
MY love language is Quality Time. It’s my gift of choice to and from others. I love gifting my time and energy to others, and I like others to do that for me too. So it’s no surprise that this is what I gift myself most often. I have realized I NEED to gift myself some “me time” every day, to work on my mind, body and soul. This comes as a morning routine - but it doesn’t have to be this way for everyone. For me, I start my days reading, then meditating, and doing yoga. I make myself a yummy breakfast, and then I begin my day’s work. But this hour or so of “me time” is essential to me. If I don’t give it to myself, I feel off balance and cranky.
If we all gave as much attention to our relationship to self, and we do to our relationships to others, it would spill out and multiply, creating a beautiful ripple effect of self-lovin’ :)
I hope these practical tips have been useful for you, and I look forward to hearing how you’ve applied them in your life! If you want some more ideas about how to take care of yourself, download my free ebook The Ultimate Self Care Guide :)