Hello my beautiful friend! As you might know, I recently became a mother to the most beautiful, precious, and calm baby: Luna. She came into this world on February 1st, 2022 and life will never be the same. I’ve been wanting to share her birth story with you since then, but I had to sit with it for a while before being ready to share it, and when I was finally ready, it took me a whole month to start, continue and finish it, cuz babies are verryyyy time consuming.

It took me a while but here it is: Luna’s Birth Story. It’s loooong because I didn’t want to leave anything out of it. I hope you enjoy and please feel free to ask me any questions (if you have any after this very detailed story hehe).

Disclaimer:

Halfway through my pregnancy, I decided I wanted a “Natural Birth”. I found a midwife and an ob-gyn who have a “Natural Birth” approach, and I took a variety of different courses to prepare me for this. Another term that my midwife uses for “Natural Birth” is “Conscious and Respected Birth”. So what does all this mean?

Basically, it’s a process where the mother is the protagonist of the experience, and as such, she is the one who makes informed decisions based on her preferences and desires. In this process, those who accompany you are there to protect & support you, and they respect your decisions, always thinking of your satisfaction and wellbeing of you and your baby.

So does a “Natural Birth” have to be a vaginal birth? No. You can have a “Natural Birth” and have a c-section, or an epidural. The important aspect of the “Natural Birth” is the intention and respect behind it. I’ve been made aware that the term “Natural Birth” can be triggering for some women who have had to (or chosen to) have a c-section or who have opted to use drugs in labor, and have been reminded that every birth is beautiful and natural, which is why I’ll be using the term “Conscious Birth” or “Physiological Labor” instead.

THE WEEK LEADING UP TO LABOR

Our due date was January 28th, 2022. The whole week leading up to that Friday was the most anxious week of my life.

On January 21st, Pabs wrapped up his last day of work and started his pre-natal leave. He asked for some days off before the due date, because he was working at a really high rhythm and we weren’t spending any quality time together, and we desperately needed it before Luna arrived. So on the 21st, THE WAIT officially begun.

We spent the week doing last minute things, like installing the car seat, making the hospital bags, building furniture, doing a birthing course together, and taking as many naps as possible. We went for daily walks with Chela, played board games, and binge watched a lot of TV.

And after a few days, we started getting really bored. We had started to do the typical things to “induce naturally”, like go for walks, eat dates, drink raspberry leaf tea, have sex, etc. We were kind of hoping that our baby would be an early baby; I pictured her surprising us a few days early with an easy labor. There’s power in wishful thinking but unfortunately that’s not how it happened lol

By the end of the week I was an anxious mess. I received about 5 messages a day from friends and family asking me “is she here yet!?” or “when is she arriving?” or “are you in the hospital?” or, worst of all: “how are you feeling?” (I’m feeling tired, anxious, and annoyed, thanks for asking).

I was so irritable. The most irritable I’ve ever been. Somebody asking me “how are you?” INFURIATED me for some reason. I was tired of answering people’s questions and tired of being pregnant. Anytime someone asked me when this baby was arriving I would just shout out “FUCK IF I KNOW!?” and vent to Pabs about how annoyed I was. At some point I had to delete whatsapp and instagram from my phone so I wouldn’t have to deal with people’s questions.

And I know everyone who asked me was asking from a place of love. I know they had the best intentions. But the impact it had on me was not great. I was already anxious and the questions made my anxiety 1000 times worse. I don’t know if all moms to be are this way, but better safe than sorry: If you have a pregnant friend, don’t ask her when the baby is arriving (unless she’s having a c-section and knows exactly when the baby will be born) - instead, just send her good vibes and that you’re thinking of her ◡̈

ANYWAY. January 28th came and went. On Monday, January 31st, we had a doctor’s appointment scheduled, and we went in, hoping for some good news. My doctor had told me that if I wasn’t showing any signs of labor starting by that day, we’d have to consider inducing by the end of the week. I did NOT want to induce with drugs and was really anxious about that. So on Monday, we went in for a check up, and he did a vaginal exam to feel the cervix and estimate how dilated it was. It was 2 cm at that moment, which meant that I was already in the beginnings of labor. His vaginal examination was supposed to move things along, which I’m grateful for now, but HOLY SHIT did it hurt. Our doctor told us that if labor hadn’t started by Friday, we’d have to consider inducing… but luckily, it didn’t come to that. He did a quick ultrasound and noticed that she hadn’t grown much since the last ultrasound 2 weeks prior (this was an issue throughout my pregnancy, she was in the low percentile in size and I was told to rest and eat more in hopes she’d grow… spoiler alert, she didn’t… but more on that later), so he asked me to come in the next day for a Doppler ultrasound, to check to see if the placenta and amniotic fluid were working well or if we needed to be worried.

CONTRACTIONS

january 31st - you can tell i’m over being pregnant by the look on my face lol

We went home that night and went about our lives as usual; cooked some dinner, had some (non-alcoholic) beer and watched a movie. During the movie, I started feeling some stomach pains. I wasn’t sure if they were contractions or not, cuz they were so light. At around 11pm we went to bed, and the pain started getting heavier and I realized YEP these are definitely contractions. Pabs was like ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING! WHAT DO I DO? And I told him to go to sleep cuz honestly there wasn’t much he could do at that moment, and I needed him to rest, cuz I knew I definitely wouldn’t be resting that night.

I had a contraction timer app, so I started timing them - they were 30-50 seconds long and 5-8 minutes apart. My midwife had said to message her once they were 5 minutes apart, but they weren’t thaaat painful yet, so I held off on messaging her. At 4am, with no sleep at all and contractions that were getting increasingly stronger, I decided to message her. She immediately answered and said “this is good news, but your cervix still has many hours of work ahead of you, so try to rest and take a bath, let’s talk in the morning”.

I tried to sleep but the discomfort was too much, so at 5am, I took a bath. It was really soothing and it helped the contractions cease a bit. I was then able to sleep from 6 to 7 (1 full hour! Yay!) until the contractions woke me up again. I spent all morning with increasingly painful contractions, and at some point that morning, I knew: TODAY IS THE DAY. I bounced/moved on the birthing ball, practiced my breathing through every contraction, and used a “guatero” (a dry hot water bottle made of seeds) for the pain . We had to go to the hospital at around 3pm for the Doppler ultrasound, so we ordered some food and finished packing our hospital bags (one for labor, one with baby’s things, one for my things and Pabs for the days after the birth). Nobody told us to bring our hospital bags; we were supposedly just going for a Doppler exam. But I had a feeling we wouldn’t be coming back home after the exam, cuz my contractions were getting too heavy for this to not be labor.

On our way to the hospital, Pabs had an issue with work. He’d been asking his boss to double check a presentation he had sent out weeks ago, and as we were headed out the door, his boss asked if he could correct one slide. So Pabs packed his laptop and spent the whole ride talking with his boss while I was struggling with contractions. It was not the ideal easy breezy ride to the hospital we had been envisioning :’) Pabs was so distracted that he took the wrong turn and the ride was longer than needed. Needless to say, I was not happy about it haha but I think I handled it pretty well.

Once we arrived at the hospital, Pabs finished up his presentation and talked to the front desk to pay for the Doppler ultrasound. Something had gone wrong with the booking of the ultrasound, and I ended up spending about an hour in the waiting room, eyes closed, breathing heavily through contractions. I could no longer talk during the contractions and I couldn’t focus on anything other than my breathing. I was in a waiting room full of pregnant women and their partners, and I was definitely in labor, but I didn’t want it to be too obvious, so I tried to breathe calmly and quietly to set a good example and to not freak anyone out. When they finally brought us into the room for the Doppler, a doctor did the ultrasound and confirmed that indeed, our baby was small. I was so over it by that point. It had been months of doctors telling me my baby was small, so this was no news to me, I knew she’d be small cuz guess what? I’m small! And my body probably couldn’t handle a big baby anyway! More on this later. The doctor spoke in medical talk and I didn’t listen to a word he said cuz all I could do was breathe through contractions and block out anything else.

We left the consult and I called my midwife. She told me she was on her way and that we’d meet up in the ER. On our way to the ER we were in an elevator with one of the couples from the waiting room, and as we left the elevator, they looked at me with a loving concern in their faces and shouted “good luck!!”. So much for trying to hide the fact I was in labor while in the waiting room, lol.

We went to the ER to get PCRs and my midwife came right on time. (Luckily, our PCRs came out negative - if Pabs’ PCR had been positive, he wouldn’t have been able to accompany me in labor). She did a vaginal examination and confirmed that I was 5cm dilated, so it was official: I WAS IN LABOR. She also mentioned that my pelvis is super tight - usually she’s able to move her fingers inside when she’s doing these examinations, but she couldn’t move her fingers up and down like usual, which meant that my pelvis was shaped a certain way and this would make labor a bit harder.

LABOR

They put me on a stretcher and took me to my labor room. We arrived at around 4:30 pm, and it was an incredible room, spacious, dimmed lights, a huge bathtub, and lots of different equipment to ease the discomfort of labor. I put on a hospital robe and hospital undies (so unflattering). Pabs put on my chill labor playlist and turned on my “Luna candle”, that we’d gotten for my Blessingway in December. The room felt super cozy and intimate - it was just Pabs, my midwife and I for most of my labor.

Honestly here it all gets super fuzzy and I have no accurate way to measure how much time passed between one moment and the next. All I know is the contractions got increasingly closer and increasingly painful. At first I would just walk around the room, trying to get through one contraction at a time. Eventually they became too much and my midwife filled up the tub for me. I spent a good amount of time there, with Pabs on one side and my midwife on the other side of the tub, both talking in very calming voices. Pabs had a bottle of water that he’d fill up with water from the tub and pour on my huge belly, which felt nice (considering my belly was too big to be underwater lol).

Then I started getting cold. So I got out of the tub and had a guatero heated and got under covers. Then I got super hot. And on and on it went for most of the labor - one minute I was freezing and the next I was sweating. I guess this is normal? But no one warned me I’d have these temperature shifts and it was no fun.

pictured: guatero, mesh undies, and surprisingly calm nats

At the beginning of my labor I was super self-conscious about my body and had my robe on super tightly. By the middle of it, I was walking around half naked, or with my robe barely on. By the end of it, I was naked on all fours and with not an ounce of self-consciousness lol

I tried lots of different methods for pain relief. The hours passed this way: tub, shower, labor sling, squat bar, birthing ball, hot water bottle, lying down, walking around the room, etc. Pabs was super helpful during my contractions; he would press his hands on my hips during my contractions, as our midwife instructed him to. This was a great relief and I was grateful for it. There were also times when I wanted nothing less than to be touched, but I’d just whisper “stop touching me” and that’d be that.

I feel like movies portray this image of the loud and irritable woman in labor (which I totally understand), but I was far from that stereotype. I had spent months preparing for this day with hypnobirthing. I’d do daily meditations that included a lot of breathwork and affirmations, and this was essential in order for me to enter this physiological labor calm and centered. During the labor, I’d mostly focus on my breathing during the contractions, and sometimes I’d forget to breathe, but Pabs would remind me “you’re not breathing, remember to breathe!” Which sounds ridiculous… how does one forget to breathe?? But the pain is so much that sometimes you simply forget, so I’m glad Pabs was there to remind me to do this simple but effective thing. Affirmations were also incredibly important. I never printed them out or wrote them down as many people suggested, but I had to affirmations running on repeat in my mind. These were:

“I can do anything for a minute”

&

“Each surge is bringing me closer to my baby”.

The thing I realized before and during this labor was that, even though it’s a completely physical event, the mind plays a HUGE role in it. And the mental preparation I did before labor was essential. In hypnobirthing the focus is on positive thoughts and words - so instead of using the word “contraction” to describe the tightenings during labor, they use the words “wave” or “surge” to give it a more positive spin. I did a lot of visualizing the months leading up to labor of waves coming and going, so in the moment of labor, when a wave would come, I’d remind myself it would soon leave. Contractions last around a minute, so I’d remind myself “I can do anything for a minute”.

I’m not gonna lie though, there were moments when I’d think “FUCK THIS, GIVE ME DRUGS!!” and I’d seriously consider asking for them. And I feel like this is one of the best parts of opting for a physiological birth - no one offers you an epidural. There’s an anesthesiologist right outside the room if you were to need one, but my birth plan was always to go drug free if possible. So once the thought popped up in my mind, I had enough time to talk myself out of it. I reminded myself I was doing fine, and I was getting closer and closer. There was one moment where I asked Pabs if I could get an epidural, but just then my water broke, and my midwife informed us I was at 8cm dilation. I had warned Pabs that I might ask him for an epidural, and he’d have to comply if I asked for it during the beginning of the labor, but if I asked for it after 8cm, he’d have to make sure I didn’t get one. So he reminded me of my wishes to not have an epidural and I continued working on my breathing and moving.

I mentioned before how it was all a bit fuzzy… During these final moments of labor I felt like I was in a haze. I felt like I was having a bad trip. I was exhausted, and it all felt like a dream. I remember thinking “am I really in labor right now or am I dreaming it?”. It felt surreal.

THE FINAL STAGES OF LABOR

I eventually reached 10cm dilation and it was time to begin pushing. It was around this time that my doctor arrived. I tried pushing in many different positions, but eventually we had to resort to the classic labor position of laying on my back with me feet up (because my pelvis is too small and the other positions wouldn’t allow my baby to come out). I feel like I must have pushed at least 20 times, and each time, my midwife and doctor would say “ok one last push!!” And it wouldn’t be the last one. They told me I wasn’t pushing correctly, and they instructed me on how to do it right, but let me tell ya, that shit ain’t easy. I was in so much pain, so exhausted, and it felt like someone had their hand inside my vagina. (I later asked Pabs why the doctor had insisted in leaving his hand inside my vagina throughout the pushing stage, and he said that hadn’t happened - the doctor had been monitoring everything from the other side of the room and had barely touched me - so the pain I felt was actually “the ring of fire” aka baby’s head pushing through the birth canal).

My midwife had been monitoring the baby throughout the entire labor, and after what felt like 100 thousand pushes, she told me her heartbeat was slowing down, so we needed to hurry. I was exhausted from all this unsuccessful pushing, so I asked the doctor if he could bring her out with forceps (a desperate ask, considering I definitely didn’t want my baby to be born that way). He said it was too late for forceps, cuz he’d need to use anesthesia and perform a episiotomy (a painful incision that was really not in my birth plans). So I built up the sliver of strength left in me and continued pushing. My midwife said she could see the baby’s head, and suggested I reach down and touch it. This did the trick - my next push was my last one, as Luna came earthside at 9:49 PM on February 1st, 2022.

They immediately handed her to me, and I held her on my belly (cuz she was still attached to me with the umbilical cord). I was still in so much pain. And as much as I’d like to say it was love at first sight, my mind and my body were elsewhere. The first thing I did was ask Pabs if he wrote down the exact time of her birth (the astrologer in me would never forgive me if we had her time wrong!!) and he confirmed he had (he took a screenshot of the time the moment she came out).

Physically, I was exhausted and still in pain. I still hadn’t birthed the placenta, so I was very aware that the pain I was feeling was the feeling of the umbilical cord inside me. I looked at Luna as she cried and took in her first glances at us, but I couldn’t focus on her until I finally birthed the placenta about 10 minutes later. Eventually, Pabs cut the umbilical cord, and I was able to place Luna on my chest, and attempt to breastfeed her for the first time. All the medical staff left the room, and the three of us were left alone for an hour of bonding. It was then that it finally hit me: I DID IT. She’s here. She’s perfect 🥺

We spent three nights in the hospital. It felt like an eternity and all we wanted was to go home, but in hindsight, I’m glad we had that time. We had a lot of help, especially with my breastfeeding. There were a lot of midwives there and they all gave me their tips for successful latching, and that’s made all of the difference.

We brought Luna home on February 4th and it’s been a wild ride since then. She’s a very chill baby, and I’m so in love with her I could cry. Still, having a baby is so demanding - I barely have any time for myself, and it’s taken me almost 2 months to finish writing this blog post :’)

FINAL THOUGHTS

One of the things that surprised me the most about my labor, was how quickly I forgot about the pain the next day. I don’t know if it was the hormones or what, but the day after giving birth, I said to Pabs “I know that was painful, but I’d do it all again”. Lots of people have asked me “now that you’ve done with without drugs, would you do your next labor with drugs?” And my answer is hellllll no!! Now that I know what my body (and mind!) is capable of, I’d do it drug-free again in a heartbeat. It was the most empowering thing I’ve ever done, and I felt (and feel) like Super Woman after going through that. Someone said to Pabs “she did all of that drug free? She must be out of her mind” (or something along those lines - in spanish: “está mal de la cabeza”). I thought that was a funny comment, considering that going through all of that drug free proved to me that I’m actually really “bien de la cabeza” or well in my head, however you wanna phrase it. I’m proud of my mindset, and the work I did in order to make sure my mind was prepared for this huge undertaking really paid off.

Luna weighed 2.690 kilos (5.9304 pounds) at birth. She was in the 6th percentile, which means she was really, really tiny. Throughout most of my pregnancy, doctors told me she was small, and it was something many people worried about. I was told to eat more, to move less, in hopes of making her bigger. I was never really worried, cuz I’m a short girl, and chances are, I’d have a short girl. But this didn’t stop the doctors and our families from worrying about it. The day of her birth, my midwife told me that some diameters in the oval of my pelvis were smaller than most, and that if Luna had been any bigger, we’d have had to have a c-section.

I’ve never considered myself someone who’s very connected to her intuition. But throughout my pregnancy, my gut constantly told me “it’s gonna be alright”. I trusted this gut feeling, and I trusted that she would be the weight she needed to be. And I’m so glad I trusted, because the body KNOWS. My body knew what it had to do, down to a T. My body knew that my baby had to be small, and that’s why I delivered a small baby. And now, as I grow and learn how to be a mother, I’m learning to trust this inner knowing that is constantly guiding me. I KNOW how to be a mother. Deep down, the knowledge is there. And sometimes my mind or other people’s comments or questions make me question this knowing. So I remember my labor, I remember this inner feeling, I lean in and trust it.

This labor also taught me to surrender. One thing I wanted to control was the date of the birth. January 28th was the due date, but deep inside, I always wanted Luna to be born on the second of February, aka 2/2/2022. I spent the weeks before her birth using different dates and times to predict what her natal chart would look like. Of course I got all of them wrong. She ended up being born on February 1st, 2022, a New Moon in Aquarius and the first day of the Lunar New Year. We share a Moon in Aquarius, and her name is Moon in Spanish. I couldn’t have timed it better, and now I know, it all happened the way it had to.

So there ya have it, Luna’s Birth Story. Only took me about 2 months to write it, but i’m glad to finally be sharing it with you. If you’ve reached this point of the blog post, just know I love you and appreciate you!! Thank you for supporting me in this new stage of my life. I have loved being a mother and I look forward to continue sharing this journey with you.

Love always,

Nati ♥︎